SO i haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend since last Monday 07/03/11- after continuous drama, lies, betrayal , disrespect and everything els under the rainbow.
Although i'm hurt I've actually come to a point where i'm comfortable with the fact that we shall never again be , me and him seem like a match set for destruction which i primarily because of the fact that we are not at he same cross roads in life, example i'm ready to grow up and be responsible of life today since we have no re- assurance that were gonna be here tomorrow and he decides to be reckless because there's no re-assurance that we'll all be here tomorrow.
So that difference in approach, and the fact that he hasn't grown into himself even at the ripe age of 27yrs became a problem which i could not sugar coat with my insecurities, my love and my determination to make thinks work, and the sheer disgust of not fighting for what i believe in.
That Monday of realisation of the man i had loved dearly with all i had was a very sad week for me , but what mostly hit home is the idea that he just never love me as much as i did and all this time all i did was punish myself for not supposedly being good enough for he's loyalty , respect, faithfulness, honesty and love.
So a week has passed and I've realised after stepping back from the situation for a second and looking at it from the outside , is that he had he's own demons and issues, acted overly confident just to shut up the voice of doubt at the back of he's head, and pretty much over did things that we not necessary, invited paranoia into our lives and pretty much never allowed himself to fully enjoy the love given to him because he was always sure that it wouldn't last or it was fake due to he's past experiences that pretty much turned him into the dog he's become.
Anyway although i'm still hurting and of course feeling 100% bitter ....i now see the bigger picture that all my love couldn't have changed whats was not meant to be and me and him even through our good times when we compatible and felt like we were a force to be reckoned with because we were n sync when the times were good ..........we were just not meant to be , or at least he wasn't meant to change for me , if he will ever change he's lying ways.
So with a heavy heart i bid fare well to a person who was once the center of my universe, because although i'm still reacting a bit and a tad spiteful, i now know that we were never written in the stars no matter how bright some days felt.
So fare well sweet, loving hate ,trickled with rage joy , happiness and anger.
Knowing you will forever remain bitter sweet...
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