Journey Of My Heart

So I've been curled up in a corner like a bear ready to hibernate , but all i seem to have stocked up on is heartbreak and depression.

SO i haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend since last Monday 07/03/11- after continuous drama, lies, betrayal , disrespect and everything els under the rainbow.

Although i'm hurt I've actually come to a point where i'm comfortable with the fact that we shall never again be , me and him seem like a match set for destruction which i primarily because of the fact that we are not at he same cross roads in life, example i'm ready to grow up and be responsible of life today since we have no re- assurance that were gonna be here tomorrow and he decides to be reckless because there's no re-assurance that we'll all be here tomorrow.

So that difference in approach, and the fact that he hasn't grown into himself even at the ripe age of 27yrs became a problem which i could not sugar coat with my insecurities, my love and my determination to make thinks work, and the sheer disgust of not fighting for what i believe in.

That Monday of realisation of the man i had loved dearly with all i had was a very sad week for me , but what mostly hit home is the idea that he just never love me as much as i did and all this time all i did was punish myself for not supposedly being good enough for he's loyalty , respect, faithfulness, honesty and love.

So a week has passed and I've realised after stepping back from the situation for a second and looking at it from the outside , is that he had he's own demons and issues, acted overly confident just to shut up the voice of doubt at the back of he's head, and pretty much over did things that we not necessary, invited paranoia into our lives and pretty much never allowed himself to fully enjoy the love given to him because he was always sure that it wouldn't last or it was fake due to he's past experiences that pretty much turned him into the dog he's become.

Anyway although i'm still hurting and of course feeling 100% bitter ....i now see the bigger picture that all my love couldn't have changed whats was not meant to be and me and him even through our good times when we compatible and felt like we were a force to be reckoned with because we were n sync when the times were good ..........we were just not meant to be , or at least he wasn't meant to change for me , if he will ever change he's lying ways.

So with a heavy heart i bid fare well to a person who was once the center of my universe, because although i'm still reacting a bit and a tad spiteful, i now know that we were never written in the stars no matter how bright some days felt.

So fare well sweet, loving hate ,trickled with rage joy , happiness and anger.

Knowing you will forever remain bitter sweet...

Nina Simone The Legend

· Composed over 500 songs, recorded almost 60 albums

· First woman to win the Jazz Cultural Award

· "Woman of the Year" 1966, Jazz at Home Club

· Female Jazz Singer of the Year, 1967, National Association of Television and Radio Announcers

In 1993, Don Shewey wrote of Nina Simone in the Village Voice, "She's not a pop singer, she's a diva, a hopeless eccentric ... who has so thoroughly co-mingled her odd talent and brooding temperament that she has turned herself into a force of nature, an exotic creature spied so infrequently that every appearance is legendary."
Nina Simone was born as Eunice Kathleen Waymon in Tryon, North Carolina, daughter of John D. Waylon and Mary Kate Waymon, an ordained Methodist minister. she learned to play piano early. She studied with a Mrs. Miller and then with Muriel Massinovitch.For her last year of high school, Nina Simone attended Juilliard School of Music, as part of her plan to prepare to attend the Curtis Institute of Music. She took the entrance exam for the Curtis Institute's classical piano program, but was not accepted. Nina Simone believed that she was good enough for the program, but that she was rejected because she was black.She began playing piano in 1954 at the Midtown Bar and Grill in Atlantic City. She adopted the name of Nina Simone to avoid her mother's religious disapproval of playing in a bar. The bar owner demanded soon that she add vocals to her piano playing, and Nina Simone began to draw large audiences of younger people who were fascinated by her eclectic musical repertoire and style. Soon she was playing in better nightclubs, and moved into the Greenwich Village scene.
By 1957, Nina Simone had found an agent, and the next year issued her first album, "Little Girl Blue." Her first single, "I Loves You Porgy," was a George Gershwin song from Porgy and Bess that had been a popular number for Billie Holiday. It sold well, and her recording career was launched.Nina Simone wrote "Mississippi Goddam" after the bombing of a Baptist church in Alabama killed four children and after Medgar Evers was assassinated in Mississipppi. Othere songs by Nina Sinmone are "Backlash Blues," "Old Jim Crow," "Four Women" and "To Be Young, Gifted and Black", "Four Women" ,her cover of Sinatra's "My Way”.
Nina Simone's growing bitterness over America's racism, her disputes with the record companies and her troubles with the IRS all led to her decision to leave the United States. She first moved to Barbados, and then, with the encouragement of Miriam Makeba and others, moved to Liberia. She later moved to Switzerland then followed by a comeback attempt in London which failed when she put her faith in a sponsor who turned out to be a con man who robbed and beat her and abandoned her. She tried to commit suicide, but when that failed, found her faith in the future renewed. She built her career slowly, moving to Paris in 1978, having small successes.
In 1985, Nina Simone returned to the United States to record and perform. Her career soared when a British commercial for Chanel used her 1958 recording of "My Baby Just Cares for Me," .
In 1991 and released ,” I Put a Spell on You”, and continued to record and perform.
She died April 21, 2003, in her adopted homeland, France.

My Top three Favourite Nina Simone Tracks are " Ne Me Quitte Pas", I Put A Spell On You", I'm Feeling Good", and "My baby Just Cares For Me" just to mention a few.

Nina Simone is often classified as a jazz singer, but this is what she had to say in 1997 (in an interview with Brantley Bardin): “To most white people, jazz means black and jazz means dirt and that's not what I play. I play black classical music. That's why I don't like the term "jazz," and Duke Ellington didn't like it either -- it's a term that's simply used to identify black people."

J&B Met 2011

So I managed to score some free tickets at work , went with a friend and a cousin (both their first Met), I must say I still go to the Met because I absolutely feast on the fashion, beautiful & moneyed people all gathered in one place….usually the ‘Main Marquee’, in which access is a lifetime goal.
The theme this year was larger than life i.e. big accessories , big hair big shoes and in my case big personality. Now same as every year I take pre-planning what I’s like to wear at the J&B Met to another level, . I literally start planning my outfit round about August , thanks to the fact that I work at the Agency that comes u with the theme each year.
Of course one would argue that the outfit right down to the nail polish and what direction I’m going to part my hair that day , is usually very different to what I actually end up wearing to the Met , due to a selective oversight on my part which seems to be very repetitive in all areas of my life , and that’s …BUDGET.
Although I yearn for the outfit I sometimes dream up , or catch on the latest teens series or just saw in a shop an just had to have it, but never got around to wearing , I usually end up with a not so bad alternative , but to be honest I’m never fully satisfied, hence I still have that blazing fire for the to attend the Met. I guess one could say that every year it feels like unfinished business that I try and settle the following year . A vicious fashionable circle I know, but I love being entwined In it.

I must confess and say that the fashion boutique store ‘Mememe ‘ in Long street , always knows how to catch my eye and hold my debit card for ransom.
Both the original dress I had wanted for the Met 2011 was from ‘Mememe’ and my back up dress which was more casual and practical for the future was also from ‘Mememe’. The only thing I didn’t get from Meme was my underwear , red lipstick and weave.

My humblest apologies viewers but my photographer persona didn’t come out to play this year but , I did mange to snoop around for pictures of some colleagues and other guest of the Met in their attire.

O and I also go there for the food ….A BIG SHOUT OUT TO THE ASIAN CHAPS THAT WERE SELLING THE BATTERED PORK IN SWEET CHILLI SAUCE SERVED ON RICE, it was to die for.

A Litte Bitter Piece that I'm hoping to sugar coat with time...

The Devils'Advocate

Who are you? What are you?, besides the slayer of innocence, the betrayer of bare heartsThe one that cried wolf when it was you hiding in those shadows ready to pounce …The way you've practiced the skill of stupidity and mastered the way of betrayal , is far beyond redemption for you'll never be reborn into innocence , your leaf shall never turn , you'll stay damned into eternal winter , for you are the cause of cold hearts , where no cure 'EX'sist's, but the assassination of your 'EX'istence.Keep playing that tune 'Pied Piper' …..see how those kids won't follow………….you've lost your talent and your touch leaves scars, the only thing seduced by your tune is the dark cloud above you………so play on 'Pied Piper' play, play on you Devils Advocate.

ECLIPSE PREMIER

So I went to go watch the Twilight saga Eclipse on the. Of course I went on the premier night 29 June 2010 at midnight which kinda makes it early 30th of June I guess. So before I even get to talking about the movie let me just tear Numetro to shreds for a second….Ok now if anyone went to the waterfront premier ion Cape Town you would have noticed that whoever is in charge of ‘Premier’ nights, did not do their homework at all , because the Numetro didn’t look like it was having this premier night except for a square cut oout of the main cast and a couple of posters that look like hand me downs from Sterkinekor, the place was visually naked and lacked the Energy and excitement that twihard fans would expect, and another fail was the fact that Numetro didn’t even counter in the fact that we so happen to have a lot of tourists in the country because of the Soccer World Cup and a decent amount of them were concentrated in Cape Town because of the Spain vs Portugal match. I was so embarrassed when i saw that there were some foreigners who were at he premier to watch the movie because I’m sure their used to Premier nights especially with a movie that has such keen a following looking like some effort was put in, and NO!! Numetro the keyrings did not cut it at all!!!.
THE MOVIE:
I can’t comment much on the first 25/30mins of the movie because I arrived there late ( I’m still traumatised) so I missed Bella’s’ visit to her mom, which sucked because that was another scene I was curious to see would be played out onscreen , but anyway moving along. In all although I enjoyed the movie I felt like the vampires looked a bit to ‘vampirey’ if I may call it that , because in Twilight they weren’t as pale and they’re eyes when have fed weren’t so light amber , in Twilight they looked perfect because they almost could pass as humans but in Eclipse and New Moon actually they stood out as ‘odd different’ rather than their beauty standing out. I also wish that they’d shaved Edward’s chest hair , I didn’t like them peeping over each neckline- come on no one likes a hairy vampire you want to keep that ‘marble skin look’ they mention in the book as per Bellas’ description well ploughed not seen as a wild forest ( and Bella never mentioned hairy chest SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT ) and Edward was more well dressed in Twilight than in Eclipse – what did he loose his fashion sense in a year?. Now people don’t get me wrong I am a Team Edward but a true fan never lies , and I have to say they made Edward a bit too insecure in this one , but angry Edward looked hottt, and please they need to make Robert Pattinson hit the gym, because at some point he’s going to be topless as in Breaking Dawn!, Of course I’m not saying he must be supper buff like Jacob but maybe just a swimmers body then pleaseee. I don’t want to be cringing in Breaking Dawn. Other than my feedback on RPatz character Edward , I think RPatz played it well and I think he had more humorous lines in the installment like when he’s talking to Jacob while they’re in the tent on top of the mountain and Jacob is keeping Bella warm, and in the Bella & Edward home alone scene I loved the way Edward says “ Can you stop trying to take your clothes off”..lol. Kristen Stewart’s character Bella was more feisty in this one which I like, although I must say they needed to get Kristen Stewart an African Americans her hairstylist for the Bella character because then she would have been hooked up with a hot ass lace wig not the crap that was placed on her head and was hardly even brushed properly and lacked a lot of volume – just because it’[s fake hair don’t mean it has to be obvious like that , ask the black folks…lol………and two more things, one being that Bella’s dress sense was just overly bad this time around and wasn’t she wearing a dress or something nicer in the book for the graduation party???, and lastly I hate how they airbrush around Bella’s eye’s this is very evident in the mountain scene ( we wont even discuss the post work for that snowy background – so much for having a bigger budget than twilight ), It’s not like Kristen Stewart has wrinkles already around her eyes that they had to airbrush her so much . Jacob black was awesome he looked good and I must say as a Team Edward fan it hurts me to say that Taylor Lautner’s character Jacob Black was spot on and looked hotter than ever and even he’s smartass comments made him look even more hot and a bit badboyish..hehehe ( I shall not fall into temptation). Jackson Rathbone’s character Jasper was getting more spotlight which was cool, I do prefer he’s hair more curlier like in Twilight than in Eclipse but he was still cool . Ashley Greene’s character Alice was also good and thank G*D her dress sense was better than in New Moon ( what was up with that outfit she wore in Italy – when going to save Edward). Peter Facinelli character was also cool it was nice to See Dr Cullen’s other fighting side ,and he still looks hot for a Doc but I like he’s hair shorter like in Twilight, and one the contrary I loved Elizabeth Reaser’s character Esme Cullen she really plays her character well and has maintained that through out twilight , New Moon & Eclipse jus with better hair sense. Kellan Lutz Character Emmett was hotter this time around ( yes I knw he’s always hot ) but the dark hair makes him look more like the vampire who hunts Grizzly bears for a snack, he’s more action packed and of course the way he teases Bella is always sweet and funny kinda like siblings already. I cant Comment on all the other characters as of yet , because I still need to watch the movie again for like maybe 10 times or soo lol…but lets agree people that the new Victoria Bryce Dallas Howard did not cut it at all , she did not even come across as the Victoria described in the book she looked fragile and so Tinkerbell , the only thing dangerous looking about her was that wig that was too big for her face...Oo well she’s dead now, at least we wont see her again.
Ok So David Slater did an Ok job because I loved the wolves in this one even more and the fight scene was good but not mind blowing, the fights were too clean and almost prim and proper for the’ 30 Days of Night’ Director , and what’s up with the way the vampires crack and break and each time one is killed there’s this annoying sound that reminds me of theMario land video game…..Come on !!....Personally I think Summit Entertainment needs to maybe get a James Cameron & the Wachowski brothers collaboration for the two parts of Breaking Dawn…..now that would be amazing, Cameron will specialise on the love front coz he can bring out the fragileness of love and lust from the craziness and the Wachowski brothers can specialise in the action scenes ( come on you’ve all seen The Matrix)and they can all pick each others brains on the others scenes….woow just imagine ;D

With All Said I did Enjoy The Movie Thou coz I’m a ‘Twi-Hard’ For life ;D ;D

What I'm Sharing

Well I’m going to share some of my happy diva thoughts on topics such as , Music , Art, Fashion, Decor, Vintage Cars, and every once in a while let you into the abyss of my mind, where dreams, nightmares, thoughts, poetry, pet projects and a few other things are floating around and waiting to be shared with those who are ready to embrace me and help turn my blog into a boom box of rich thought and hopefully humor. Make your eyes and mind feel at home and scroll through.